My wife told me a story once that she heard. I’m going to do my best to retell it to you.12
Two prime ministers are meeting to discuss affairs of state. During their meeting, a staffer bursts in, frantic and stressed. The host prime minister calmly says,
“Remember Rule Number 6.”
The staffer immediately calms down, apologizes, and exits.This happens a couple more times, with different staff members interrupting in panic and being met with the same calm instruction:
“Remember Rule Number 6.”
Finally, the visiting prime minister asks,
“My dear colleague, what is Rule Number 6?”
The host replies:
“Don’t take yourself so damn seriously.”The visitor laughs and then asks, “And the other rules?”
“There aren’t any.”
Some of us need this reminder more than others3, I’m guilty of being in the cohort that probably needs it daily. Many times, in my marriage my wife gently reminds me and sometimes I am more receptive than others. But I’ve found it to be solid life advice when you need to shift your perspective.
During my time here in Kyrgyzstan I’ve learned a new application of this rule, one that I didn’t see coming. I have the opportunity to mentor a young Kyrgyz agronomist. His name is Rustam. We hired him to be my assistant and if you take away anything from this post, just know that he is awesome and I’ve really enjoyed working with him.
Rustam studied horticulture and agronomy at a university in Turkey and chose to move back to Kyrgyzstan. That is a big deal here and I’m beginning to understand why. Unfortunately, one of the bigger exports from Kyrgyzstan is labor and smart people. I have met several families that have a son or daughter abroad and who sends money home. I don’t know the exact numbers,4 but sometimes there seems to be a generation gap of people aged between 20–40 years old because so many of them live in another country.
You really see it when you look at the ag industry. There is a shortage of young ag professionals in the country. I’ve met with many farmers whose children have no interest in continuing the family farming operation, they’d rather move to Europe or Russia. There isn’t a solid job market for people studying agronomy and there is a huge knowledge gap. We’re trying to do our small part to change that. I’m glad to work for a company here that has a strong social mission. We are trying to build up the agricultural sector and I’m hopeful that as this project continues, we’ll create jobs for local people to get involved in agronomy and by extension food security for Kyrgyzstan.
This is a long way to say that Rustam is an outlier. In his initial job interview I could tell he was pretty nervous. Like a lot of Kyrgyz people in northern Kyrgyzstan, he grew up speaking Russian in his home and Kyrgyz second. As a product of his nerves, he told us that he couldn’t speak Kyrgyz very well. We told him that if we hired him he would have to learn it. In a later moment I found rather comical, after we hired him, I went around the office introducing him. I introduced him to Roksana5 and told her that he didn’t really speak Kyrgyz. She spoke with him in Kyrgyz and then looked at me and laughed saying “what are you talking about? He speaks perfect Kyrgyz”. Rustam: 1, Jon:
Kyrgyz culture is a culture that respects its elders. I learned this first at a work dinner party during my first month here. I sat in the wrong chair. I sat in the chair for the elder, honored guest. It wasn’t even the head of the table seat, which is why I was confused. I was politely asked to move and have not repeated that mistake, although I still don’t think I could tell you which chair is the honored guest, maybe the one next to the head of the table?
I’ve also learned that at dinners and meals, it is customary to not begin eating until the elder does. Rustam and I travel frequently and dine out at local cafes several times a week. I didn’t notice it at first, but Rustam will not touch his food unless I eat first or give him permission to eat.6 When I finally noticed this trend, I decided to engage him unwillingly in a Kyrgyz standoff. At one meal, they served us our food, and I just sat there and stared at him.
Rustam - Are you hungry?
Jon - Yes, are you hungry?
Rustam - yes, are you going to eat your food?
Jon - I might wait.
Rustam - puzzled expression.
Jon - trying to suppress devious smile.
Rustam gestures for Jon to eat.
Jon gestures that Rustom should eat.
Rustam gestures again for Jon to eat.
Jon remembers rule number 6.
Jon starts to feel bad and caves.
Rustam and Jon enjoy their meals
Rustom: 2, Jon: 0
So how does rule number 6 apply here? What I’m learning is that to Rustom, I am the elder and it is engrained in his culture to treat me with respect. It is my job to be respectful in return and not abuse his kindness.
For example, since we have been working together, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve opened the door for him rather than him opening it for me. Every time we move our gear and field equipment, he also rushes to make sure that I don’t have to carry much. At the beginning he would even rush to carry my backpack.
At the beginning it was a little bit awkward for me because I’m a pretty independent person and like to carry my own things. I was speaking with another American about it who is my elder and has lived in Kyrgyzstan for 30 years. He told me just to let Rustom live his culture and that I can show him respect him by allowing him to serve me.
Ok. I can do that, but sometimes it is weird being the elder statesmen. I guess I’m starting to feel a little old.
It has been awesome to work directly with a local. I feel like I’m finally getting the authentic Kyrgyz experience. It is amazing how much more you can accomplish when you don’t have to rely on google translate to communicate. I really appreciate how much he has brought to our team. Most of all, he’s just a good human and I like working with good people.
We’ve had some good adventures so far and looking forward to many more to come. I consider myself very blessed and fortunate because I’ve had so many good mentors in my professional life. I truly wouldn’t be where I am today without their guidance, honest critical adjustments, and the time they gave me. I’m trying to pay it forward now and remember rule number 6 in the process.
I think that being an example and mentor to Rustam is probably one of the most important things I can do during my time here. But it isn’t about me, it is about paving the way forward for him.
The one point of control I haven’t relinquished to him is the radio. It isn’t often you get to expose someone to American rock music for the first time. He’s more of a Ben Folds type of guy than Coheed and Cambria. We’re working on that…
Jon: 1, Rustam: 2
Who am I kidding? I’m going to use ChatGPT to summarize it for me.
I also haven’t read the actual source material for this, but I believe it comes from a book by Rosamund and Benjamin Zander called The Art of Possibility. I should probably check it out at some point.
I’m looking at you Michael Richard Anderson. Love you.
I’ve seen some estimates that there are 800k to 1M Kyrgyz people citizens living abroad. Keep in mind the population of the country is less than 8M.
The coworker who has told me multiple times that I need to learn Kyrgyz rather than Russian.
Side note about dining out in Kyrgyzstan, they don’t wait for everyone’s plate to be ready before bringing food to the table. They serve the dishes as they are ready.
If you are old, we are ancient! So wonderful to read about Rustam. What a good man for coming back to help his country.